Strength
by roonilwazlib93
Summary: Look, I really... don't need you to take care of me." It was all too familiar. 3x12 C/B
1. Chapter 1

As per code of conduct, I suppose, I should state the obvious. The characters and certain lines aren't mine. Lines taken from 2x15 & 3x12.

Musical inspiration: "Breathe Me" by Sia, "Signs" [Acoustic] by Bloc Party, "I See You" by Mika.

* * *

Checking her cell again, Blair sighed, seeing that 45 minutes had passed since Chuck was supposed to meet her for lunch. She had been sitting idly in the Empire's restaurant, watching patrons and various restaurant employees pass by, all the while hoping Chuck would make an appearance. Blair felt her heart drop and a swoop in her stomach; she couldn't help but be reminded of last year, and the disappointment she had felt...

She had curled her hair, reapplied her lip gloss generously, found the most perfect little black dress, lit candles... only to get:_ "Sorry. Working late. Next time." _At least last time there had been a text! At least that time had been in the privacy of her own home--no one had to see her get stood up by Chuck Bass, yet again.

Blair shook her head in a futile attempt to rid herself of the memory; things were different now, Chuck was a different man, feeling and committed. With one last glance at her phone, Blair left a bill for her drink and headed out, intending on checking in on Chuck's penthouse.

As the elevator ascended, Blair found she didn't know what to expect when the elevator doors opened. Undoubtedly, Chuck would push her away. Just as Chuck could read her subtext, she could his. In ordinary Bass fashion, he'd continue to deny his feelings and refuse to open up. However, at this point, Blair knew better--Chuck Bass was anything but unfeeling.

The elevator dinged, signalling her arrival the the seemingly empty loft. The clicking of her heels seemed to resound through the stillness and somberness as she approached Chuck's bedroom and opened the door. Seeing him reclining on the bed, relief and disappointment flooded her.

She couldn't hide the despondency in her voice, _"Thought you were meeting me for lunch."_

Chuck didn't meet her eyes. _"I had too much to drink."_

_"Oh"_

Brushing away memories of their tumultuous past, Blair took a breath and shrugged. Now was the time to be understanding...

_"Well, we'll just order room service"_

The hopeful suggestion was barely out of her mouth before it was followed by Chuck's quick refusal: _"Look, I really... don't need you to take care of me."_

Blair lowered her eyes, hiding her hurt-- not that Chuck had even bothered to look at her since she had walked in. But it was all too familiar.

"_I don't need your help-- Stop trying to play the wife!"_

She had thought Chuck's searching eyes, furrowed brow, and pointed mouth along with his stinging rejection had been painful. But now, nothing compared to the blasé denial he had just dealt to her. Because now she knew--she knew Chuck Bass was no longer an unfeeling robot. He was sweet, he was romantic, _he loved her_.

Strength. Strength was key. Chuck had supported her and comforted her through every NYU woe and Serena-squabble. She had to _be here_.

"_I know... how hard it was for you, to let your guard let me in,"_

Chuck began to rise at her words, and Blair couldn't help the faint glimmer of hope it afforded her. However, the annoyed look on his face shrouded her with doubt.

"_But you've changed."_

At this point, she wasn't sure who she was trying to convince: Chuck? or herself?

Blair stomped down the insecurity rising up in her throat as Chuck seemed looked towards the wall, seemingly finding a steely resolve from some unknown apparition. He got up, straightened his attire, and sauntered toward her.

"_I'm buying that building."_

_"Chuck,"_

Now was not the time for that conversation, but her disapproving tone made her opinion clear.

"_Don't tell me what to do."_

_"I'm not,"_

Blair's eyes started to sting and water. Strength, she reminded herself. Strength is key.

"_Just... talk to me," _her voice was subdued in her pleading. She found herself boxed out by his body, his eyes evading hers. His scent surrounded her, but today, it brought no comfort.

"_Blair,"_

Chuck stalled, not meeting Blair's seeking gaze, taken away from her by a rampant thought. The ghost of his father. A voice not hers. This wasn't _her _Chuck. He spoke slowly, deliberately.

_"I need you to get out of here. Now."_

No reassurance was to be accepted. She saw that. Nevertheless, her heart constricted as he turned her away. In a hollow attempt to let herself passed Chuck's barriers, Blair reached for him.

_"Chuck,"_

But as expected, she was let down. He finally met her eyes, the dark brown hardened and his mouth pinched as he reiterated:

_"Now."_

Defeated, Blair turned and left as Chuck moved to lean against the door frame, absorbing an influence not hers. She cast him a look before entering the lift, heart heavy and clenching. Strength. Strength. Strength.

"Chuck?"

Her presence wasn't acknowledged besides the subtle tensing of his shoulders. But Blair's strength had cracked has her eyes became glassy and her voice shook.

"_All I wanted to do was just--just be there?_ I just want you to know... that I'm here," she hated the weak tremble and lilt in her voice. She managed to muster a semblance of calm for her next words.

"And I love you."

Blair couldn't find the will to turn away like she had originally intended. Instead, she stood and watch Chuck as he glared broodingly to the door frame across from him, ire increasing. The silence stood still between them, the space between them feeling like a magnetic push apart.

A scowl was fixed on Chuck's features as he averted his eyes to the floor, his words ground out almost unwillingly.

"I don't need you. Just go. And don't bother coming back."

The harsh look on his face faded and his voice lowered to a quiet whisper, but his eyes remained on the floor. With a slight nod of his head and tremble in his hands, he continued:

"I can't do this anymore."

The tears Blair had been desperately holding back escaped and she choked back a sob. Quivering with the force of her breaths, she let out a sigh before returning a whisper of her own.

"You don't mean that.."

With that, Blair retreated to the lift to escape the now stifling penthouse. She looked at the ceiling, vainly trying to stem the tears. Strength was overrated anyway.

* * *

Thanks for checking it out! Feel free to review/ leave thoughts, opinions, suggestions, and criticism! It's welcome :]

My first attempt in multi-chaptered fics. Oh dear, what am I getting myself into?


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, I have to say I'm surprised and pleased at the response I've been getting in reviews and favorites. Thank you!

Musical inspiration: "Passenger Seat" by Death Cab for Cutie, "Runaway" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Biko" by Bloc Party, "Look After You" by the Fray, "Another Heart Calls" by All American Rejects.

* * *

Chuck laid in his bed, thoughts a swirl of Bart's hard voice, memories of grief, moments of weakness, business, and guilt. He should be meeting Blair. Nothing mattered though, not when the spectre of Bart Bass lingered disapprovingly.

Fingers linked and held over his face, Chuck found that not even the comforts of scotch could lessen the throbbing headache and his father's the sound of the slight creak of the doors, he chanced a look. Seeing Blair--the somber expression on her face-- stirred the mingling guilt in his chest, quickly avoiding her deep brown eyes.

_"Thought you were meeting me for lunch."_

The defeat evident in her inflection filled him with a sense of shame. Part of him willed her to be angry with him--to lash out at his failure-- because being the cause of her disappointment was more than he could bear. But the cool mask stayed on:

"_I had too much to drink."_

_"Oh"_

Chuck felt her shift, knowing she would keep pestering him about the date.

_"Well, we'll just order room service,"_

A residual instinct from earlier times clawed its way to the surface. A part of him her never expected to return to bubbled forth, and he couldn't help but cut Blair's suggestion off coldly.

_"Look, I really... don't need you to take care of me."_

Bart's words replayed in his head, like some deranged lullaby.

_"If you're soft, you're soft--and well, let's face it. You're soft."_

Chuck clenched his eyes at the memory, Bart's constant unimpressed demeanor. But Blair persisted in her soft, delicate tones;

"_I know... how hard it was for you, to let your guard let me in,"_

Unwittingly, Bart's mocking words came back to him, taking precedent in his mind--overwhelming him.

_"You opened your heart to Blair, and it made you weak. You cannot be one person at work and another one at home."_

Strength. Strength was key. Without strength, there was nothing. He'd often asked himself in the past: what would Bart do? In this situation, he knew exactly what.

"_But you've changed."_

Strength. Strength was key. Strength was essential, for business. Without it, all he had done was lost. As for his personal happiness... he couldn't live a double life. Looking towards the frosted glass at Bart's distorted figure, the image of his father seemed to give a curt nod, finally in approval of Chuck's decision. There was one thing left to do.

Limbs like lead, Chuck raised himself up and straightened himself out. For what he was about to do, he needed her disapproval. As desperately as he needed Bart's pride.

"_I'm buying that building."_

_"Chuck,"_

The sternness in her voice had been exactly been what he had been searching, but it was a hollow victory that made the scotch sitting in him turn.

"_Don't tell me what to do."_

Push, Bass. That's all you do.

_"I'm not,"_

Emotional ties are weakness. Chuck Bass was not soft.

"_Just... talk to me," _

Blair was pleading, something Chuck had always aimed to appease. He had always inherently strove to provide for her all that she needed, never wanting to see her . Strength was key.

_"Blair,"_

Before he could finish, Bart had turned to the corner to witness the drama unfolding.

"Get to the point. You've become weak."

Chuck glanced away from her, and from Bart's critical eye. He had to do what he had to do. It was business.

_"I need you to get out of here. Now."_

Blair slowly raised her hand to reach for him, and Chuck's hand raised to meet her, habitually. He caught himself, gently grasping her hand and setting it down, away from him. Not able to resist, Chuck looked up to finally meet her eyes. Instead of bitterness and resignation, he only saw a patient, tender love. At that moment his mask slipped.

Strength. Strength. Remember, strength. He felt his heart harden, stone-cold just like dear ol' Dad.

_"Now."_

Finally, it seemed Chuck had broken through her efforts as she turned to leave. Pieces of his chest cracking apart, he moved himself to lean on the door frame. Strength was not gained. If anything, it felt like strength lost. Bart moved to lean against the opposite door frame and looked on amiably.

"_Maybe there's hope for you yet."_

The long yearned for paternal approval finally granted was bittersweet and hollow.

"Chuck?"

Blair's voice cut through the silence from across the flat. Strength. Strength. He had been sure the fight had been over, and now he was unsure if he had the strength to keep pushing.

"_All I wanted to do was just--just be there?_ I just want you to know... that I'm here,"

He could only meet her with silence, unable to let out more to hurt her. The tears that could be heard through her voice triggered his intrinsic sense of taking her in his arms and fixing her.

"And I love you."

Chuck opened his eyes suddenly, resisting the words that wanted to come from his mouth. He would not-- could not-- return the sentiment. After all his rejections, how could she still say that? But he shouldn't have been surprised--he'd done much worse in the past. He studiously avoided her gaze and instead fixed himself on Bart's figure across from him. Like before, he made a farce of her words.

"_Aw, I love you too."_

Chuck could do nothing but scowl at his father. But he made a valid point: he needed to cut away his weakness. His weakness would always come in the form of one Blair Waldorf. Eyes on Bart, Chuck reluctantly answered back to Blair.

"I don't need you. Just go. And don't bother coming back."

_Happy? _Chuck arched a finely shaped brow back at Bart, who only seemed to nod as if to encourage Chuck to continue. Understanding, Chuck's face softened, unsure if he could take the next step.

"Cut your losses and bail out, before you completely lose your dignity. She's a weakness--a distraction. Do it, already."

Bart turned back to his watch nonchalantly, then fixing Chuck with an expectant look.

"Well?"

Chuck's voice lost him, breath lost in his throat. His voice, which he had intended to be strong and cold, came out as barely a whisper.

"I can't do this anymore."

He could feel the stone-cold heart in his chest crumble into a fine powder, because he could honestly say that there were no pieces left-- not when Blair's own heart could be heard breaking from across the room. He clenched his fists so as to prevent himself from taking back his words and holding her until they forgot the incident completely. Blair's sputtering sob broke his will, his desire for strength, his need for Bart's approval, and what was left of his heart.

"You don't mean that.."

Blair's voice, at last, seemed weak and broken. She turned to exit through the elevator as Chuck finally turned to look at her leave. As the elevator dinged with her exit, he wanted nothing more to follow her to the ends of the earth for her forgiveness-- something at this point was surely undeserved.

"Well. That's not exactly it could have been delivered with a little more dignity, but it'll do."

Bart's cold stare offered no relief. Chuck retreated to his room for a much needed scotch. Dignity was overrated anyway.

* * *

I tried not to be too repetitive, but at the same time incorporating the last chapter. It's my first time with this perspective, he can be a bit darker and less over-analytical so I hope I did a decent job.

Please leave feedback, it brightens my day :]


	3. Chapter 3

First of all, Merry Christmas! I decided to stop italicizing the quotes from the episode, seeing as it's rather a lot.

Musical inspiration: "A White Demon Love Song" by The Killers, "Breathe" by Taylor Swift & "Too Late" by M83.

* * *

Finally arriving at the ground floor, Blair quickly wiped the tears from her face and swept out the elevator doors. Not sparing a glance at the bedlam around her, she hurried out the Empire's exit and sought refuge in the car waiting for her.

"The Palace, please." Her voice was biting, though she tried to maintain the ladylike civility in her voice. But really...Had Chuck actually broken up with her?

_'No. Of course he doesn't mean it. He's grieving,' _she decided with a curt nod. He always said they were inevitable. She hadn't made it passed all his facades and emotional barriers to be brought down so easily. Blair handled the situation in the all so familiar, albiet somewhat abandoned Waldorf method of coping-- ignorance, with a healthy dose of society manners. No one had to know she and Chuck had... temporarily separated, she thought with a wince.

As the towncar pulled to a stop and the driver opened her door, Blair took a deep breath and presented the driver with a gracious smile and thank you. Some semblance of dignity and strength needed to be maintained--for hers and Chuck's sakes. Making her way to the Van der Humphrey loft, she fixed herself into her society matron persona and slipped on the mask of superficial happiness. She left the lift and was relieved to see Lily having tea in the sitting area.

"Blair, how are you? Are you and Charles doing well?"

At that, a flash of a grimace made its way to Blair's face but she hastily covered it with a small smile.

"Everything's been lovely... well, until recently."

Lily's face was fraught with tension when Blair had walked in. Perhaps Lily had been a rough day for her as well? Blair shrugged off whatever curiosity she felt niggling her; she was here for Chuck.

"Chuck's having such a difficult day and since I'm sure you are too, I thought you might have some words of advice. Cyrus says it's an essential part of life, honoring the dead, but Chuck refuses to visit Bart's grave even today!"

Blair added a small head bobble and small sip of tea. She knew she played the part of society wife well... She internally cringed; here she was, playing the wife yet again.

"On the anniversary of his death..." Lily continued, seeming to have just realized the date. Blair noted Lily's sudden understanding, nodding sympathetically.

"Did you know Chuck's never been to his mother's grave, once? I can understand not going on the date she died; it is his birthday after all, but Bart refused to tell him where Evelyn was even buried! Said it was morbid for a child to visit a cemetery."

Blair eyed her cup of tea warily before looking up at Lily again, who was absentmindedly sipping at her own cup.

"--Lily!"

The older woman seemed shaken out of her thoughts, focusing on her companion again. Blair felt the old stirrings of her queen-ship rising as she hid her annoyance thinly, but cordially.

"Are you listening?"

"Yes, of course I am, Blair, and I will go see Charles and talk to him."

Blair was filled abruptly with relief, a genuine smile spreading on her face as she thanked as she thanked Lily. She stood up, had a short conversation with the older Humphrey and made her way out. Grabbing her coat and her purse, Blair fished her phone out of her bag and contemplated calling her best friend about the current dilemma. After a moment of deliberation, Blair put her phone back with a pout-- Serena had enough problems to deal with.

* * *

Chuck leaned against his pool table, studying his files for what seemed like the hundredth time. Despite what Bart 'said' to him earlier, Chuck was determined that he would try to do something right by finding another living situation for the homeless if he were to buy the building. While he had just essentially pushed Blair away, the effect she had on him was lasting: his conscience was whole, and he intended to keep it that way--the way she left it.

The elevator rung with the arrival of another visitor, followed by a bustle of footsteps he knew didn't belong to Blair. He pursed his lips at the thought.

"Hello, Charles. How are you?"

Chuck intended to cut his stepmother's visit, no doubt arranged by Blair, with a terse refusal.

"Busy. I told the front desk not to bother sending you up; I'm on my way out."

"Well, wherever you're going, will you put it off for a few hours and come with me to the cemetery?"

Lily's motherly expectant tone, as it usually did, struck a tender note in Chuck, but nowhere near Blair's tearful pleas to him. Having already broken Blair, he felt he had broken something in himself as well. At this point, what he did or whoever else he hurt didn't seem to matter in comparison.

"I can't, it's business."

"Well, we both know that your father was a complicated man," Lily began. Chuck exasperatedly moved from his leaning to position to face her as she continued, feeling annoyed that she hadn't dropped the issue yet.

"And I honestly think he thought it was just easier to be alone, and you know what? There are moments when I think I agree with him,"

Chuck stared blankly at her, feeling both relieved and bitter that Bart's phantom was not there to torment him through Lily's attempts to reach him. Was the fact that Lily, his last wife, was married and in love, completely moved on the reason why? Either way, it wasn't important. What was, however, was getting Lily out.

"But we're not that way I'm afraid. We need each other. And right now, I need you to do this with me."

Chuck made a quick glance around: still no Bart. Bastard.

"I'm sorry, Lily, but I believe... the way to honor my father is to work."

The words left an acrid taste in his mouth. Too bad his father wasn't around; the old devil would've been proud. Or mildly impressed, which was as close to pride as he usually got. Lily seemed to take in his words, still not accepting no as an answer. Persistent bunch, his loved ones.

"Sometimes when we need to do things to show people how we feel, even when they're not here to see it."

He was saved from having to answer her when Lily's phone rung shrilly, cutting him off.

"I'm sorry, it's Serena"

With that, Lily excused herself to the hallway, handing Chuck the bouquet of held the flowers, hoping that whatever emergency Serena seemed to be having would deflect Lily's attentions off himself. The memory of Blair's earlier visit left a painful constriction in his chest and he preferred to be alone, free to numb himself from the world, from emotions.

At hearing Lily's shocked worry at whatever Serena said, Chuck turned towards the glass wall, then glanced at the flowers in his hand. Serena was up to her usual antics, and it seemed, also as usual, she needed assistance out of a situation. Chuck briefly contemplated offering his services, but he felt a distinct pinch in his chest. How would that make Blair feel? He couldn't do it. No matter how long ago Blair's insecurities involving Serena seemed, no matter that they were technically... broken up, Chuck knew he couldn't bring himself to bring her more pain. For too long he strove to show her her own beauty. He couldn't make their time together a waste.

Meeting Lily as she walked back, Chuck reassumed his cold demeanor.

"So much for day of the dead."

"Yes, I'm afraid I have to tend to the living right now."

Lily gave him a small, harried smile.

"Look, I hope you'll consider what I said. Maybe do this for the both of us."

Ending with a littlle shrug, she turned and caught the elevator. Chuck looked after her, feeling the numbness seeping through him.

"They should be yellow roses; they were my mother's favorite," he added, chucking the bouquet into the nearest trash bin.

* * *

Hours later, Chuck scanned the clock on the wall. Time to go. Damn. He still had no solution for the building's occupants. Ever the helpful spirit, Bart strolled passed and reminded him, "You better go now. The homeless are not your concern. This is business."

Chuck gave a curt nod, heading out the elevator. Entering the limo, he felt an underlying sense of unease. He knew what was missing. Usually, he had the comfort of Blair's belief in him in his ventures in the world of business and this time, he was dreadfully without. The few minutes in the limo were silent, until it was interrupted by his phone. Checking caller id, the name on the screen made his chest ache and the ever present butterflies stir uncomfortably in his stomach. For a moment, Chuck considered ignoring the call altogether but the lure of hearing her voice was too great and the prospect of disappointing Blair more than he already had was as unappealing as ever. Slipping into his aloof business bearing, he answered the call.

"What now, Blair?"

Blair's breaths were heavily, as if she'd been pacing. Or crying. The sound left a flutter in his chest, a bubble of worry and guilt rising.

"Chuck! I know you don't want to hear from me but this is more important. Serena's been in an accident; she's at the hospital in Nassau County. I--she needs you there."

At the word accident, all facades were off. "I'll see you there."

This day could not be tragic for another person he cared about. Chuck felt a sick sense of reprieve. At least it wasn't Blair.

"Arthur, change of destination. We're going to Nassau County." He took a deep breath to calm himself.

"We're almost there, everyone's waiting." Of course, Bart would choose to appear now. Chuck felt like the lost, confused teenager he was before Blair... How weak was he?

"Sure they're going to have a back up offer." At this, Chuck snapped.

"Will you just leave me alone?"

Arthur cast an odd look at him as Chuck threw Bart and business deals out of his mind.

"You get to the L.I.E.!"

Chuck took a second to compose himself and added,

"Stop looking at me."

* * *

Blair waited at the door, looking worriedly at her downtrodden best friend. Screw patience.

"Hi," the distress seeped into her voice as she walked in.

"Hi," the blond replied, biting her lip. "Nice outfit."

Blair inwardly felt relief. Serena seemed to be in her usual spirits, if not less bubbly than usual, but well enough to tease about her current attire.

"You too." The distress in Blair's face didn't fade. As she leaned into hug Serena, Blair thought about confiding about her issues with a certain... _ex-_boyfriend.

"You were so right about this one,"

Blair felt familiar words bubbling up. _I didn't want to be. _She gave an unsure glance behind Serena's shoulder, heaving a heavy sigh as she pulled away. After a brief recap of the situation from Serena, Blair felt a stone of guilt drop in her stomach.

"I shouldn't have let you go with him. To think I encouraged you to--"

Serena cut off Blair's rant with a shake of her head.

"Blair. I'm not a kid. I did this on my own." Seeing Blair start to speak again, Serena decided to change the subject to a topic that would probably lighten her friend's spirits.

"So how have things been back here? The trip with Chuck and your mom?"

Contrary to what Serena had believed, the change of topic left a somber expression on Blair's face. Blair responded, detached from the whirlwind of pain she was currently feeling.

"It was lovely. Chuck didn't go. He stayed behind with Nate."

Serena recognized a note of hesitance at Chuck's name. Something wasn't right. After a slight pause, she decided to dive right in.

"Is something wrong? With you and Chuck?"

Blair couldn't meet the blue eyes gazing up at her, instead fixating her attention to the low grade watercolor on the wall across the room.

"He's been having a hard time. Bart's one year. It's been... rough getting through to him. He--We decided maybe some time apart would do some good. He... needs to figure things out on his own, I guess."

Blair couldn't leave the dejection out of her voice, a tear slipping passed her lashes. Hurriedly wiping it away, she fixed herself with a small, artificial smile and met Serena's face.

"I'm fine, though."

Serena squinted at her friend, laying a supportive hand over Blair's.

"He'll come to his senses. This is hardly a lasting thing. He's just being defensive Chuck, as usual. Personally, I can't believe he did that at all. Things have been going to great for you two..."

Serena drifted off, noticing Blair had become more upset at the mention of happier times. Blair sniffed and slowly stood.

"I'll see you later, Serena. I'm glad you're well. I'm going to let you rest."

Leaving the room behind, Blair headed down the hall and turned the corner, only to see Chuck sitting on the dirty hospital floor, looking every bit as broken as she felt. The world saw Chuck Bass, a mighty and powerful CEO. Blair Waldorf saw a lost, confused nineteen year old. She saw the person she loved most, drowning without a life vest.

Sitting down to join him, she studied his perfectly shaped lips and structured face as he started to take in deep breaths. Without looking at her directly, he asked:

"How's Serena?"

Looking down, Blair felt a dull blow at his refusal to acknowledge her directly or ask about her own well being as well. Selfish as it was, part of her had hoped he known that she needed him too.

"She's going to be okay."

Chuck continued to take in deep gulps of air, the tension between the two thick.

"Lily's here? Eric's here?"

Blair gave a comforting smile, nodding. Even though they weren't technically together, she was glad to see that the changes she had encouraged in him had remained, that he had realized and accepted his family's love. She still couldn't keep her adoration of the man beside her at bay, her voice and expression wraught with love as she answered him and abated his fears.

"Everyone's here." _I'm here. I'll always be here. _

Chuck breathed out in relief. Blair looked toward the wall behind his back, knowing they needed some kind of resolve.

"Chuck,"

He seemed to take a shorter breath and cut in, interrupting what Blair was going to say. He didn't want to hear it. However weak it sounded, he was scared of what she would do. What she might say.

"My father always thought I was weak. And in the moment that mattered most, I was. I couldn't be there with you. I left, ran away. I've been pushing myself to prove him wrong... and pushing you away."

Blair shook her head. For someone who understood her so well, knew her better than she knew herself, Chuck had a misguided view of his role in her life. Whatever she had intended on saying was not as important as Chuck's demons. Nate had told her she was maternal...

"I didn't think you ran away because you couldn't handle death. I think it's because you couldn't handle feelings." _You couldn't handle __me__... _"But you're not like that anymore. You're strong."

Chuck took another heavy breath, conflicted. He had spent the whole day scrutinizing his weakness, trying to rectify it. And here she was, the most important person in his life, contradicting the entire notion. His mind was clouded, the desire to please Bart and the desire to please Blair battling for dominance.

"You carry people. You carry me. You're becoming a man that... your father never was.' Blair felt the tell tale sting in her eyes, signalling the tears that wanted to fall. But this was her turn. _Her _turn to carry _him_. Her words seemed to sink in, as she watched Chuck's face process what she had given him. He still said nothing. She turned her face closer, breathing in his scent.

"Come, let's say goodbye."

She pushed herself off the floor and took his hand, helping him up. Her eyes followed him as he walked to her other side and composed himself. Blair hugged him lightly, leading him down the hall, all the while unsure of their boundaries as he laid a gentle arm around her. At the end of the hall, Chuck pulled her close. Her heart skipped and the butterflies fluttered.

"Thank you."

* * *

I wanted to write more, but I figured this was longer than my last couple chapters. I'm sorry if this seems to sped up. Call it a lack of inspiration with what I was given, or that I'm eager to skip to my own ground of creating my own path with this. I hope you enjoyed it! **&& Please Review ! :]**


	4. Chapter 4

Musical Inspiration: "Welcome, Ghosts" by Explosions in the Sky & "Passenger Seat" by Death Cab for Cutie.

Thank You to everyone following & reviewing!

* * *

Having Blair back in his arms brought back an overwhelming sense of peace: it was like coming home. Yes, he was Chuck Bass. It was the nonchalant, egotistical answer for everything two years ago, his catch phrase. Yes, Chuck Bass was capable of feeling. Chuck Bass loved Blair Waldorf, more than anything. The epic and grand love affair of senior year had proved that. The jealousy, the games, the grief, the lies, the scheming had brought them both here... So what was he doing now? The thank you he had bestowed upon Blair as they walked down the hospital halls was delivered with a feeling of restraint. He had instinctively wanted to lay a tender kiss on her head, and the alien restriction to that simple affection left Chuck feeling bereft.

It was a rare circumstance. Both Chuck and Blair had lost their standing, the impasse in their relationship loomed over their heads ominously. As much as he had the urge to give her a soft kiss as he pulled Blair closer to him, he knew he had hurt her earlier with his words. For a moment, there was a terse acknowledgement of the distance that had been created by the events of the day, but the confession in the hall left a balming presence in the holes left by his grief.

The pair entered the limo in a comfortable silence, Chuck sitting next to Blair and seeking out her eyes with his own. His voice had a quiet, unsure timber as she raised her gaze.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not enough. Never is, but it's true all the same."

Blair nodded agreeably, seeming to have no words for once. Chuck leaned closer to her, until he could see the distinct hues in her irises. Her hands met his, their fingers intertwining and engaging in a familiar dance. He let out an imperceptible sigh, not knowing where to start

"I don't know what I did right for you to forgive me every time I mess up; I know you deserve better--I've always known. That's why I--"

_"Excuse _me?"

Whatever Chuck had planned on saying was brought to a stuttering halt by Blair's incredulous indignation and furrowed brow. While the small pout she sported was as adorable as ever, the venom in her glare and the fire smoldering behind her eyes were disarming.

"Who are you to choose what _I _deserve? Yes, you're Chuck Bass. _I'm Blair Waldorf. _No one tells me what I deserve, I tell them. Don't you know already? I love you so much, it _consumes me!"_

Seeing Chuck's face soften and the tension in his shoulder melt at her words, Blair lowered her voice to a more gentle and loving tone, yet maintaining the same level of ferocity.

"You know me better than anyone else, and I like to think I know you that way too. I understand, now, why you felt like you couldn't talk to me. But I was _there _for you. I _am _here for you. I _will always _be here for you. I never want you to let something like this eat away at you like this again; I love you too much--I couldn't bear it."

Blair let out a wry chuckle, shaking her head slightly. Chuck tried to get another word in, but Blair cut in again.

"I don't know how many times I have to say it for you to finally understand. I love you. I _love _you._I love you. _Not just when you're being sleazy, or sweet, or romantic. Cut-throat businessman or coward, I'll still love you. I .told you in the hospital and I'll tell you again: you're strong. You carry me. _You're my strength. _Let me be that for you."

She let out a small sniffle as lonely tears trailed down her cheeks. Blair gave a reaffirming squeeze to their interlocked hands as she laid her other hand on his cheek, drawing him closer and watching Chuck's emotional barricades lower, the tension in his face dissipating. Blair continued on:

"If you still need that time--"

Chuck's slight shake of his head made the words die in Blair's throat. He seemed to swallow a lump in his throat, his voice coming out smoothly and softly.

"It was stupid of me to have even thought I'd be better without you, or that you'd be better without me. I was so wrapped up in business, _my father_--" Chuck's voice took on a timber of disdain. "I was obsessed with Bart's idea of being strong... of overcoming weakness. I didn't see what I had. You were right. It seems like you always are. It was wrong of me to push you away again."

Chuck laughed dryly, recognizing that his words were reminiscent of a memorable return from Europe after graduation. Knowing that there needed to be a final reassurance, he went on:

"I have what I need, here." Extricating his hand from hers, Chuck laid his hand on her arm pulling her closer. It was a tender, heartbreakingly gentle kiss; it felt too much like a goodbye. Blair's mind flashed to confessions of love halted by a certain Humphrey, promises of a "_maybe eventually_...", an excruciating pleasure. There was a palpable tension hanging thickly in the limo, a sense of expectancy as she cast a familiar hopeful glance into Chuck's eyes. The words she had so missed as she had exited his penthouse earlier, the words she seemed to always be waiting for from him...

"I love you, Blair."

The breath she had been holding was released, the hopeful glimmer in her eye twinkling brightly as her lips met his again, and again. These kisses were different: heated, desperate, with hands clutching clothes, pulling each other closer but never getting close enough. It was a reunion, and it was obvious now that they hadn't kissed each other goodbye --just the grief and distance.

Strength, they later mused, was key. All the strength they needed was in their hands, lingering on their lips, trailing beneath their clothes...

* * *

I was intending this to be a bit longer, but I lost momentum with the holidays and whatnot. Unfortunately, I return to the so-called real world on Monday so I don't know when I'll be able to continue writing. With the last few weeks of the term and finals coming up, I don't know whether I'll be completely absorbed in cramming and studying or releasing all my stress in writing!

Thank you again for reading! Thank you to my reviewers especially, who have helped me and really encouraged me to do this!


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